Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
