You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
