First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize