I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
