Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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