so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
