Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
