Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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