Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
