this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
