They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
