I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
