It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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