2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
