I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize