sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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