if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize