Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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