it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
