Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
