12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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