I want to make a zoo with you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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