Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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