I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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