somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
