do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
