Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??

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(925): View more from California

his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.

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(734): View more from Michigan

she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it

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(443): View more from Maryland

I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.

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(936): View more from Texas

To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.

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(309): View more from Illinois

He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?

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