he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize