TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
