shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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