Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
