you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
