Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
