True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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