He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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