So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Your dad touched me again.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
