did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
