I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
