There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
