ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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