soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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