i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my vag is so smooth its legendary
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
