Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize