Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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