watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
