??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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