I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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