His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize