dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You smell like stripper and shame
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
