their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
