And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
