isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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