my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
