So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
