He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
