It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
