Pappa wants mamma naked
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
