walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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