Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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