Soap is not a condiment
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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