Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
