awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
