ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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