Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
