She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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