moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
